do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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