Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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