We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
