Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
id be glad to
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the condom got lost in my hair
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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