i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
