I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
