Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
