watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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