What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
