Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
