So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
