there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
