she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
