Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The uberlube is also flammable
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
