I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
