this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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