saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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