Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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