Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
