you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
