You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
