i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
