I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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