Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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