Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
