so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
