You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
