Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
