good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
