she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
