is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
