Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
