I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
