i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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