New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
