Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
