he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
