no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
