I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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