That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
