I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
