I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
