I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
