I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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