The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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