I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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