Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
