Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
