I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
