the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
