I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
