You smell like a Billy Joel song
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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