is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
