While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
