Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
