Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In America we eat man semen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
