Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
