I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
