I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
