My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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